Your Family

The Yin of Meltdowns

Children experience big feelings, and meltdowns, to which they are often referred, epitomise their intensity. As difficult as those big feelings are for children to cope with, they can also be a lot for the adults that care for them. Faced with my own toddler mid-tantrum, I have felt frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Adding an emotional outburst to an already busy and stressful day can feel impossible to navigate.

Enter yoga.

Much more than making shapes with one’s body, yoga provides a guideline for living. As a mother, I have found myself turning to yoga philosophy more and more. As a result, and although my physical asana practice has dwindled since entering motherhood, my relationship with yoga has deepened. That said, it was quite by accident that I stumbled upon the yin of meltdowns.

I can remember, during one of my son’s earlier epic meltdowns, reaching a point where I gave up. I had tried to talk to him, to console him with affection, but he wouldn’t have a bar of it. In that moment, the intensity of his feelings consumed him. In theory, I understood that his brain couldn’t reason in that moment, and that he clearly needed to express the enormity of his emotions, rather than be cuddled out of them. Hey! I’m the same. But I felt at a loss, because I didn’t know what else to do to get us through.

So, I sat down, held space for my boy and his outburst, and waited.

So, I sat down, held space for my boy and his outburst, and waited. I reassured him I was there when he needed a cuddle, and, in time, the noise lessened, the energy softened, and he came in for that cuddle. I have used this approach for pretty much every tantrum since, and I honestly believe it helps my toddler settle far quicker than if I try anything else.

I now see that my approach to meltdowns follows the main tenets of Yin Yoga. This passive style of yoga is a lot about learning to compassionately sit with – and breathe through – often intense, sensations. The principles of Yin Yoga are:

• • Settle into the pose
  • Resolve to stay still
  • Remain present to all the sensations, thoughts and emotions that arise

This concept is incredibly like my accidental but effective meltdown management strategy. I sit (settle in), resolve to wait (stay still), and commit to remaining fully present and open with the little person in front of me. I sit with the intense emotions, his and mine, and breathe to keep myself centred, calm, and in a position to truly hold space for my child. All through this, he feels safe knowing I’m there for him, amidst the storm, and when it starts to blow over.

I am certainly no parenting expert, but I am mother to a spirited and sensitive toddler with big emotions. So far, I have found the principles of Yin Yoga to be incredible tools for navigating meltdowns, calming my reactions to them, and helping them to settle. In truth, I think just being compassionately present with our children, and allowing them the space to feel all they are feeling without it throwing us, is one of the most precious gifts we can give them.