Your Family

Kind Hands, Kind Words, Kind Heart

When I think of the kind of man I hope my son will grow up to be, compassionate is always the first adjective that comes to mind. So, when I came across the phrase ‘kind hands, kind words, kind heart,’ I snapped it up. At the time, my son was about a year and a half. Another year and a half later, and it has become a bit of a motto in my house. 

Think of this phrase as outlining how to behave in a social world, in a way that even very young children can grasp. But it’s so much more than a set of rules or guidelines. The specific words used promote kindness and compassion by nurturing an awareness that what we do impacts others. Over time this simple phrase will, hopefully, lay the foundation for the child who hears it to make choices mindfully and compassionately.

Over time this simple phrase will, hopefully, lay the foundation for the child who hears it to make choices mindfully and compassionately.

Some reasons why I’ve embraced this phrase as a parenting tool:

1. Positive language:

When it comes to discipline, wherever possible, I try to use positive language. Here, positive means expressing what I want my son to do, rather than what I don’t want him to do. For example, instead of saying ‘don’t hit the dog’, I can say ‘kind hands, please.’ Discipline comes from the root word meaning ‘to teach,’ and this phrase excels at teaching children what to do.

2. Adaptability:

When it comes to children, you never know what you’re going to get. This phrase can be easily adapted to suit the situation. ‘Kind feet’ has been a big one in our house. I also find I mostly tend to use just one or two parts of the phrase, and I often expand it into a sentence. For example, ‘Please remember your kind hands and kind heart with Molly.’ I have found I draw on and use different parts of the phrase as my child has grown and gone through different phases of development. I imagine it will continue to evolve.

3. It’s a reminder for me:

Every time I use this phrase, it’s like a gentle nudge, reminding me to also make choices from a place of love and kindness. It’s easy to get caught up in the overwhelm and stresses of life. When we do, we tend to become more reactive and less responsive. This phrase reminds me to check in, take a breath, and come back to a mindful and compassionate space. More than what we say, children do as we do. This phrase reminds me to model kindness for my son. And, it also reminds me how to treat myself.